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Handling Emotions Honestly: Blowing Off the Soot (Part 2)
by Jach Pursel
Harmonic World
by Gilbert Williams
I realize that the resolve-release part of blowing off the soot can be confusing. I have found that it does not have to be if I can identify the part of me who does not want me to do it.Sometimes it is my negative ego or my martyred part that is strongly opposed to dealing honestly with my emotions at all. When I can own that, the entire process becomes much faster and a whole lot more elegant. I am sure many of you have found the same thing.
For me, the ease begins with identifying the emotion. Often that starts with remembering that I cannot really think without feeling just as I cannot really feel without thinking. My negative ego assumes it can (or so it says and so it tries). I find that when I am functioning as if I am just feeling (without thinking) or just thinking (without feeling), I can be confident in knowing that I am functioning in or from my negative ego.
So, if I am thinking about an event, I know I must be feeling about that event. From this base, I ask myself what that emotion is or what that set of emotions is about. I often begin with my root emotion and branch out from there in my search. Identifying the emotion is not as difficult as we might want to believe.
Feeling an emotion is different from identifying it. I know that sounds obvious, but I sometimes have to remind myself of this. To say that I am angry is to identify the emotion; to say that I feel loved is, likewise an identification. Feeling that anger or that loved feeling involves more.
The expressing part is where appropriate action is involved. Lazaris has given us a myriad of techniques for such expression. Some are public; most are very private. It is up to us to decide which are the appropriate ones to use. Our negative ego wants us to select an inappropriate method and then to complain about it. Sometimes it is best for me to deal with my emotions and feelings in private. Once dealt with, then I will express myself more publicly.
To me, venting emotion is a form of feeling and expressing. Sometimes I am so angry or so outraged by something that happens in my reality that I just have to blow off steam. I know the emotions are coming from my child or my adolescent; sometimes it is coming from my Dark Shadow. Sometimes I realize that the emotion has no factual basis, but I am feeling it anyway. These are the times that I vent.
I like to vent with the mirror technique -- talking to that image in the mirror in a private setting. Sometimes I use meditation to rant and rage. Sometimes I ask Peny and Michaell if it is all right to vent. There are times that I turn to other friends.
It seems to me that the venting can allow me to put my emotions into perspective. There is magic in the telling so there are occasions when the venting is all I need to do. Other times, once the venting is done, I have a clearer perspective. Then I can decide how to proceed.
Self-respect, as Lazaris says, is honoring my emotions. After venting I can feel and express both the emotions and the feelings in a cleaner and clearer way. I can express them in a self-respecting way that honors me and my emotions. There are so many ways to vent. Some of you like "Anger Letters" or you prefer Journal Work.
Most are familiar with Journel Work. Lazaris teaches a wonderful technique called the Anger Letter. You begin by writing a letter -- best to be done by hand unless you are computer literate enough to prefer typing -- to the person at whom you feel strong, intense, even comsuming anger. Write the letter clear, full, and rich. Be sure to sign your name.
Do not mail the letter. Instead fold it up, envelope it and tuck it away in a hiding place. Obviously we know where we hid it, but put it in a place that would traditionally be known as a hiding place. Leave it there for 24 hours.
Day Two: Now, pull the letter out and read it word for word. Do not skim because you know "blah, blah, blah . . ."; read every word and make it stronger. Change" kind of angry" or "sort of frustrated" to a more honest and a more direct expression of the anger you feel. Edit the letter to make it more. Tuck it away in the hiding place again.
Day Three: Take your Anger Letter out and read it again. Usually, by now, the anger is dissipating. However, if it is not, tuck the letter away until Day Four and keep repeating until the anger has dissipated.
Now, burn the letter. Do it in a safe way. There is no sense being a martyr or a victim of your anger by burning the house down. Burn the letter page by page and then crush and flush the ash.
It sounds so simple; though it is easy it is not simple. I have found it to be wonderfully complex and phenomenally powerful. It is a delightful way to vent. There are so many powerful ways; I am sure you will find what works for you. Good luck!
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