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In our blog, you’ll find information about metaphysics and spirituality from Lazaris and Jach, excerpts from Lazaris recordings and interviews, and travelogues from Jach’s adventures around the world.
An excerpt from the personal growth recording, "Inner Peace" by Lazaris:
Note: In Part I, Lazaris discussed the beauty and necessity of achieving inner peace, and the "blockbuster" emotions -- anger, hurt, self-pity and fear -- which prevent our achieving it. In this part, he turns to the "bugaboo" emotions, the ones we overlook or don't understand, and explores how to work with them and what to put in their place to create the inner peace we want.
The Bugaboo Emotions
We want to move on now and look at those "bugaboo" emotions - the subtle, yet damaging and even destructive bugaboos that you deal with.
What is anxiety? Anxiety is a combination of any one of four things. First of all, anxiety is unidentified anger, hurt, self-pity, or fear. When you feel any one of those blockbusters, but refuse to identify it as such, then it's anxiety.
The second thing that anxiety is, is expected error. You expect to make a mistake; you expect to do it wrong. It is also anticipated rejection or humiliation. And finally it is misplaced trust.
Now, you know you should trust yourself. But that has been watered down to the point that when in doubt, and not knowing what to say, you say, "Oh, you just need to trust yourself more. I'm sure that will fix everything." Basically, it's just a way of saying, "I don't have the foggiest idea of what's going on. And since I never admit failure, I'm going to tell you to trust yourself." So it has become a throwaway term, a throwaway concept.
There are four conditions which must be met in order to be a potentially trusting situation. If you try to trust yourself when it's not a trust situation, you're going to feel anxiety. To be a trust situation there must be a positive and a negative eventuality. Secondly, that positive and negative has to be decided sometime in the future. The third condition, and the most critical, is that the potential harm from the negative that may result has to be more harmful than the potential benefit will be beneficial. And the fourth condition is that you have to honestly expect the positive.
Similarly, worry is four distinctive things. One: It is anticipated anger. Guilt is anger that you feel you do not have a right to have. Depression is anger that you think you're going to get in trouble for. Worry is anger that you anticipate.
The second quality of worry is the obligatory worry you have as a way to prove that you are not taking your life for granted. "I'm so worried that things will go wrong. I'm so worried that things will screw up. It's my way of showing God/Goddess/All That Is that I care." You don't want to look cocky or arrogant. You don't want to look like you're taking it for granted and like you expect to create your own reality. When you worry in this way, you give a very conflicting message to your Unconscious Mind, which reads literally what you feel. Therefore, all of your programming and super-duper techniques go spiralling down the tube. You program with the belief and attitude that it's going to work, and then you worry, which says, "I don't think it's going to." And then you wonder what your reality is going to be like.
The third component of worry is a lack of deservability. "I don't deserve the reality I have. To compensate, I'll worry." The perspective here is that God/Goddess/All That Is loves you. Your Higher Self loves you. Your Soul loves you. But you don't. The arrogance is that you know better: "They're fools to love me. I know better. I'm not lovable. I refuse to love myself." You have a certain obligation to love yourself. You can't keep playing the game that you don't in order to manipulate them into doing something for you. ...
Finally, worry is a fear of losing control in the unknown. ... So, worry is any one, or a combination, of those factors, and is distinctive from anxiety.
Confusion isn't really an emotion. There are also four things that confusion is:
First of all, confusion is overmagnified emotion. It is emotion that is so large you can't identify it, like looking at a drop of water under a high-powered microscope. "Oh, my God, what's that?" It can also be a whole number of emotions that you're feeling, and therefore you are truly overwhelmed by the size and the magnitude.
Confusion also may be a denial of feeling. Those who don't want to feel or ever admit having a feeling will finally agree: "Okay, I'm confused."
Thirdly, confusion is the "innocent face" of victimhood and martyrhood. It's that innocent mask of: "I'm being hurtful? Surely you jest." It's the confusion that comes in there when you've been caught.
Confusion is also a refusal to be real, and a steadfast stubbornness to be shallow, to cling to the past.
Doubt is one of the most destructive of the bugaboo emotions. Doubt is a lack of trust as opposed to misplaced trust. When you should trust yourself but can't, that's doubt. Where you attempt to trust yourself when you should not trust, that's anxiety. They're quite different feelings, and it's important to know that distinction.
Secondly, doubt is supporting the negative ego. In a reality where you know you create it, where you have dominion, where you are the creator of all things through your thought, to doubt yourself is to support the negative ego. Doubt is one of its greatest crowbars.
Thirdly, and perhaps most strangely, doubt is domination. Doubt produces the sense that "I must manipulate in order to create my reality. I must have power to control other people. I must get God/Goddess/All That Is to take care of me through weakness, supporting my negative ego in its contentions, living in a world that is scary. I must know all the contingencies before I dare step out into the world. I must take, and I must blame." Doubt supports every one of the contingencies of domination, and none of the contingencies of dominion. There is no sense of creating reality as a power, an ability. Doubt is the desire to dominate without really saying so.
Finally, doubt is an attempt not to be responsible. We stress that because there is no way you cannot be responsible. You lie to yourself. "I avoided responsibility." Where? You postponed responsibility. You can't avoid responsibility.
So these are the four bugaboos. When you're not sure whether it's anxiety, confusion, or doubt that's going on with you, the first thing to do is to see if you can delineate. Also, try to identify if it is a blockbuster rather than a bugaboo that's going on. If it is a major blockbuster, then move it to that level and deal with it. If it's not, then look at the payoffs. We'll give you a running start on that one.
There are four critical payoffs that are going to be operative, plus you may add for spice a few of your own: One is going to be for the purposes of self-pity, the part of you that wants to feel sorry for yourself and wants to use that as a manipulation. Another is clearly going to be the part that wants to dominate, that wants to opt for domination rather than dominion. Thirdly, the part that wants to convince you that you don't deserve to be happy, that you don't deserve the very best. Finally, the part of you that wants to prove that metaphysics doesn't work, that you don't really create your own reality. You can use the truth I create my own reality to create a reality that looks ostensibly like you have nothing to do with it, that it is all "happening to you."
If you look at these payoffs and see what you're really doing here, then you can release these bugaboos and replace them.
For anxiety, the key tonic is dominion. If you're feeling anxiety to the point where you're just so anxious you can't possibly sort out whether it is an unidentified emotion or whether you're trusting at the wrong time, then the tonic is dominion. If you will feed yourself dominion, absorb it into your system, that will stop anxiety. Then you can sort out what specifically is producing it, and you can handle it.
Worry also has an overall tonic, and it is gratitude. If you will start feeling grateful for what you have created and what you have been given, the worry will stop like a rainstorm. It will stop and a clearing will occur for long enough for you to grab hold and to get back on top of yourself.
To the specific areas ...
Worry that is anticipated anger: Your anger is like a reservoir and what you're doing is oozing out anger. You don't want the flood gates of anger to open up and destroy your reality, so you siphon it off through worry. The way to handle this particular activity is to bring the anger into the current time. Express it through one of the means, and you're done.
If it is obligatory worry: The key here is that what you're really trying to do is show that you are grateful. Why not just feel grateful instead?
To the extent that your worrying is tied in to your lack of deservability, we suggest you opt for willingness. "Look, it doesn't matter whether I deserve to have this or not. I'm WILLING to have it. I'm WILLING to create it." Allow yourself to move in that direction. Once you start generating from that position, what happens is that you start feeling deserving. The other way is to ask and find out what you have done that is so unforgivable. That's what your lack of deserving comes from. That will eradicate the lack of deservability, and thus eliminate the need for worry.
Finally, if your worry is connected to that sense of the unknown, surrender. Surrender to your own Higher Consciousness and to God/Goddess/All That Is. "I don't know how to control the situation." Don't try. Surrender and trust, and there won't be worry.
Confusion: The overall tonic is gaining perspective. Back off to get a better view of it. There's no problem too big to run from. Although you face your fears by going toward them, back away from them to gain perspective. If it is the magnification, take each emotion you feel and handle it separately. If it's a matter of refusing to feel, then start feeling anything. Some people are so numb to any emotion. Those people who are so totally numb will eventually do something to make themselves feel -- either being so hurtful to other people that they will finally feel what they are doing, or hurt themselves through excruciating situations because "at least I'm feeling now."
If you are dealing with numbness as a mask for self-pity, switch it to the blockbuster it is and start dealing with it. To the extent that it is wanting to remain shallow, confront that. This is where the mirror technique can work very clearly. Sit down in front of the mirror and look at the person there. Spend about five minutes really studying that face as though you want to remember it for a lifetime. Then talk to that person about how shallow and unreal, how totally connected to the past they are. Start feeling what that feels like. That will burst you through it. Maybe you won't be the deepest, most feeling person on the planet, but you will begin. And there won't be any need to use confusion for the purpose of remaining shallow.
With doubt, develop trust. The tonic to doubt is self-confidence. As you are doubting yourself, develop that self-confidence and the doubt will be gone.
If the doubt is there to support the ego, then admit it. Face the truth. Bust that negative ego. See where it really wants to take you. See that it is your enemy and that it is attempting to destroy you. Your negative ego is not your friend. We say that quite frequently.
To the extent that doubt is your desire to dominate, move toward dominion. Admit the truth, recognize it, acknowledge it, forgive yourself for holding so desperately to domination, and change it.
To the extent that doubt is an attempt not to be responsible, perhaps just let yourself in on how you plan to do that. Lay out your strategy for never being responsible. Then maybe you'll realize you can't. You're going to be responsible, so why not do it consciously? Why not do it powerfully? That can reduce and eliminate doubt.
Work primarily with dominion and gratitude. Put yourself in perspective. Take yourself a little more lightly and feel that confidence within yourself. These are the four major tonics to these particular bugaboos. It'll work.
It's not enough to release, however. You have to replace.
You can dig out all your anxiety, and all your worry or doubt, and all your confusion, but if you don't put anything in its place, then it's going to fill back in with exactly what was there before.
So, what you do fill it in with? You fill it in with love, trust, expectancy, and enthusiasm.
You hear these things a lot: "Your problem is you don't love yourself enough. Love yourself more." You read books: how to, how to, how to. There's always a chapter on self-love. And you read it, and what it basically says is: "People don't love themselves enough. To be happy they should love themselves more. So do that."
End of chapter. Next chapter. You look back for the pages that must have stuck together. No one really bothers to tell you how to feel self-love. They'll tell you beautiful phrases ...
We are talking about loving yourself, but also about loving others. This is part of what you need to fill in to have that inner peace.
Basically, love is a function. It is something you learn how to do. At one time you did automatically do it. But you talked yourself out of it. To support a negative ego, you convinced yourself that humanity was unloving. Now it's time for humanity as a whole to start realizing, "Hey, we can love." But you need to know how. There are ways, things to do, functions.
Those functions specifically are: To give. To respond, to be responsible. To respect. To know. To have humility. Now humility doesn't mean groveling around on your hands and knees. Humility is the sense that each moment is brand new, that just because things went that way before, they don't have to go that way again. "I am open and willing to have each moment be brand new." The sixth element of love is courage, and the seventh is to care for someone or something.
We say giving, but to what end? It's not giving just to give. It's giving in order to provide something. Here again, there are seven particular things that can be provided:
Giving to produce security, pleasure, honesty, vulnerability and trust. Giving in order to produce caring and intimacy. Giving in order to reduce the fear of loss. Giving with these specific purposes in mind is a loving act.
And if you are responsible toward yourself and another in order to give security, pleasure and so on -- if you respect that person so as to produce security, pleasure, trust -- if you have that sense of humility to produce these qualities and care so as to produce these seven qualities, then that is how to be loving. That is the first factor: In order to have that inner peace, you need to love yourself and others.
You need to trust. It's not just a hit-or-miss kind of thing. Trust is based upon the limited selves: your physicalness, your mentalness, your emotionalness, and your psychicness. If you look at it that way, you don't have to rely upon a psychic flash that it's all going to work out. Look to all of the trust: what your body, your intellect, your feelings and your intuition say. Put them all together, and out of that combination comes an exponential that is the basis of trust. You can practice trusting yourself. What does your mind say? What does your body say? What does your psyche say? You can try it on inconsequential situations. Practice on what's going to come in the mail today, on what a friend will be wearing for dinner. What happens here is that your Higher Consciousness will become involved when you start working with it. You see, your Higher Consciousness sort of sits up there and looks down at you: "How are they doing? Oh, they're doing all right. They're kind of standing still. They're staying out of trouble." The Higher Consciousness will interfere to clear up that trust, but you've got to start using it.
Californians are going to have more trouble with this than other people because they have been so brainwashed in the hype of expectancy. "Expect a miracle" is a wonderful concept. But when it's on every bumper sticker, it has no meaning any longer. It's become so much a part of the PR that you haven't really thought about what it really means to expect something. Often what it means is a bravado, a bullying: "If I say it loud enough, somebody will hear it and give it to me." Often it is used to calm people.
A lot of you have been taught not to expect: "Don't expect it to work out, because you might be disappointed." So, what you do is lower your expectations. In truth, you either diminish your expectations by some childhood experience, or you are so hyped-up in it that it has lost its meaning.
Expectancy is a marvelously wonderful thing, and we suggest always expect the best. Then it is more likely to happen. If perchance it does not, you are in a much stronger place to handle your disappointment.
Expectancy alone isn't going to produce it. But having high expectations is going to make it more likely to happen, and it prolongs your joy. Let yourself feel that sense of honest expectation -- not the hype and not the denial -- but the sense of honest expectation.
With the love, trust and expectancy, you're on the way to enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is, first of all, a happiness, feeling happy, which is being harmonious with the now. It is being harmonious with the way your reality is right now. That's a state of being. Enthusiasm involves that state of being, but also involves a state of doing. There must be action associated with this happiness for it to become enthusiasm.
It combines a sense of happiness along with humility. Again, humility is that sense that each moment can be brand new.
The third component is hope. Hope is also very much confused: "Cross your fingers, take a deep breath, and hope to God it works out." Hope as some kind of blind faith. We're not talking about that. What we mean by hope is that you look at your current reality, and in it you see the gems of the future. You see the possibilities of what can be out of what you are right now. That's what hope really is.
You combine happiness, humility, and hope, and then act upon it. Do something with it. That's enthusiasm. That's what true enthusiasm is about. ...
As you will allow yourself to feel the love for yourself and others, trust yourself and those significant others, have high expectation and grand enthusiasm, you will know inner peace. You will feel that sense of inner peace. It is a quiet solidness in the core that radiates out into great activity, great involvement, great productivity. An interesting factor here is that these four components that are necessary to replace the bugaboos are the most powerful motivators you have. As metaphysicians, they are the four most powerful tools you have. It is curious here that each of the four has -- by your ego individually and by the collective unconscious societally -- been watered down. Allow yourself to see that, and understand that, and start developing them for yourself.
We've talked about trust so many times as being an important key, an important tool. As spiritual beings, it is there as one of the most important tools you've got to establish dominion.
Really love in a way that you can identify, and not just identify as a warm, toasty feeling. And as we talk together then, to share, to grow, to laugh together, to be a friend with you, you can open up to being loved as well as loving.
When you open up and starting loving yourself enough, then you will open up and let us love you. Love is the most powerful tool, but you have to do it and be it, and let it be done to you to have its full impact. It's not just a hug you squeeze hard with. It's really opening and letting these things happen.
Let yourself explore your bugaboos. Work with them to open that door to inner peace. Once you've opened that door and feel the confidence of knowing that you can continuously reduce these bugaboos to non-existence, filling the void and having that inner peace, you can be that spark that you want to be. You can be that inspiration that you are.
With love and peace ...
An excerpt from the personal growth recording, "Inner Peace," by Lazaris:
Today we want to work with some of the "bugaboo" emotions that you have, bugaboo emotions that stand in the way of your having inner peace. We want to work with anxiety, with worry, and with confusion and doubt.
Admittedly, these are not the only things that are standing in the way of inner peace. The blockbuster emotions you are familiar with already -- unexpressed anger and hurt, self-pity and fear. We will be talking about those feelings as well, but much more briefly. We want to focus on these bugaboos because most of you by now have means to handle those blockbusters of anger, hurt, self-pity, etc. It is the smaller emotions, these more subtle emotions, that still stand in the way of your acquiring that sense of inner peace that you are seeking.
What is rather interesting about these emotions, and common to all of them, is that you all feel them from time to time, but you don't really know what they are. You can talk about them, but can you really define what it is to be anxious about something? And how is that different from being in doubt, confusion, or worry? You can look in a dictionary and find a string of words that you call a definition. But do you really know what those feelings are?
These emotions usually get what we call the "universal metaphysical definition." Anxiety as defined by the universal metaphysical definition is: "Well, you know, anxiety? Well, that's, you know, well, you know, it's when you feel anxious, you know?" The other terms, unfortunately, fall by the same sort of definition.
Without an understanding of what these bugaboo emotions are, an understanding of their subtlety -- without being able to distinguish one from another -- it's very difficult to recognize what's going on with you. It makes it even more difficult to acknowledge what's happening with you, foolhardy even to think of forgiving yourself, and totally impossible to permanently change. At best, you can handle this or that anxiety or worry or confusion or doubt. Usually it's a temporal feeling: The situation over which you have been feeling this emotion goes by. The feeling disappears and you think, "Aha, I've handled my anxiety," only to find it coming up again. There's no security there, no sense that "I am on top of anxiety so that should it arise tomorrow, I have something I can do. I can stop that feeling, and get back to the feelings I want to have." Therefore, though a particular situation that produces one of these bugaboos may come and go, you are constantly plagued with it.
Being so plagued, you end up striving for, reaching for, even grasping for that inner peace only to find it slipping through your fingers once again. You would think perhaps you can get through life without having inner peace. There's no perhaps about it. Of course you can. You've done it hundred and hundreds of times already. So it's not an issue of whether you can survive or not, for clearly you can. But it is an issue of the quality of that survival, and the quality of your spiritual development whereby it becomes important to develop that inner peace.
The Benefits of Inner Peace
There are very obvious reasons to develop that peace. First of all, it is more fun to live your life free from these bugaboos, in a state of inner peace. It is much easier to learn to have fun. The road is much smoother toward learning to consciously create your success if you can do so from a state of inner peace. Further, the purposes for being physical in this lifetime -- your focuses, the things you came to do and wanted to learn -- can be learned so much more effectively if they are experienced and explored in a state of inner peace. Finally, it feels very good.
There are also less obvious, but no less important reasons, to strive for and achieve inner peace. The first of these reasons is that your outer world is a reflection, a symbolic reflection, of your inner reality. Is it any real surprise that at a time of opportunity with tremendous expansion, a time when you are about to take off and really get that sense of soaring and being in motion -- that the terrorism of your own martyrhood should hijack you? You see, that outer world is a symbolic expression of the inner reality. And as the inner reality acquires a sense of inner peace, so you do have impact upon the outer peace.
Now, for one of you to establish inner peace may not bring about worldwide peace, but at least it is contributing. And those of you wanting so much to make some sort of contribution, wanting to have some sort of impact upon your world, wanting to make some difference in the future, one of the most valuable ways is through establishing inner peace. For as that world reflects upon you, so you reflect upon it. There's not much notoriety in it, but we would suggest that there is a tremendous amount of impact that each of you individually and as a group can have on an outer world that sometimes scares you so much.
A second reason to develop inner peace ... There is a song that has a marvelous line: "Love is like a flower, and you its only seed." That's a marvelous concept to consider. We have talked of you as sparks and seeds of spirituality. Indeed, that which fuels that spark and germinates that seed is inner peace. To be that spark that you so much want to be -- to be that seed of spirituality -- inner peace is a vital part of that quest.
Thirdly, it is an inspiration. Your material success can be a source of inspiration for others to be materially successful, but it is your feeling reality, more than your material reality, that inspires spiritually. That is not to say that you should not have material success. Have all that you want, and be as inspirational as you want for others to acquire similarly in that illusory physical plane. But being a spark, inspiring other people to the realization of a spiritual awakening, comes through the reality that you feel. It is the real inspiration that comes from your inner peace that can pique other people's curiosity enough to make them adventure into the realms of spirituality.
Fourthly, as you are approaching the end of the century, there are going to be a lot of people who are going to want to play upon your lack of inner peace, play upon your fears and insecurities. Some will be without the metaphysical/spiritual community, and unfortunately, some will be within it. There will be much more talk of doomsday, much more talk of devastation, to scare you. Therefore, it is important for you as an individual to establish a resonance of inner peace so as to avoid the seduction of fear and to stand as a point to uplift the resonance that is going to be pulled down -- intentionally by some, unfortunately. As you sense yourself as that beam of light, as that pillar, that spark, that seed, resonance will follow. You will either hold, lift, or decline. Inner peace can be a very useful tool for what you want to accomplish.
It is not only important to handle the blockbusters and the bugaboo emotions that stand so arduously in the way, but also to replace it with something. Replace what you have removed with four very important concepts: love, trust, expectancy and enthusiasm. To move in those directions, we first begin with talking about the blockbusters ...
Handling the Blockbusters
We don't have to go about defining anger. You can pretty much tell when someone's angry or when you're angry, though you may deny it or try to suppress it. But what to do about it?
It is very important that you release, or express and release, that anger. Clearly, if you do not, you stuff it inside in an arm or a leg and create arthritis, or in an internal organ and create a cancer. You are going to stuff it somewhere within you and create a miserable reality in one capacity or another. You really can't hide from it. But if you handle your anger properly, then you don't have to generate these other degenerative functions in your reality.
Now clearly, the expression of anger needs to be appropriate. Many can, in a way of malicious obedience, express anger in a totally inappropriate manner to prove that they should never have done it in the first place: Going to work and telling the boss what you really think of the clothes he wears or the way he treats his wife is not necessarily the most appropriate expression of anger. Verbal expression where another person is involved is the first way, and it needs to be appropriate.
Secondly, you can talk to yourself in the mirror. As you sit down in front of a mirror, that person looking back at you is awfully patient. They stay right there. They never go away or respond out of sorts. It's a very valuable way to vent a lot of emotion.
Then there's writing it out, and many of you can do that wonderfully in the journal keeping process. One of the most valuable ways to do it is The Hate Letter, as we sometimes call it. It is a letter that you write to the person. You never mail it, of course. But you write it and express the anger in as vehement a form as you possibly can, fluidly and quickly without paying attention to spelling, grammar or punctuation. Just get it out on that piece of paper. Do not sign the letter, "Love, so-and-so." Sign it, however, and fold it up and hide it. Play through the symbology of the way you've been hiding that feeling all along. The next day, pull it out and read it. Make it stronger: Cut out your editing and your diminishing. Make it strong. Then tuck it away, once again hiding it. The next day pull it out. Your tendency is going to be to skim it. Read it word for word, delicately reading it."Oh, this is getting boring." Exactly. As you are releasing it, it no longer has its charge. After you've read it this third time, then you safely burn it page by page to release the energy.
Another way is meditating it out. Go into meditation and visualize the person or situation, expressing that anger in as volatile and powerful a way as you can. Release it, and burn it out of your own system so that it doesn't lodge somewhere and create a deleterious reality.
The old angers from your childhood and adolescence have to be released also. One powerful method is to make your list of the top ten things that made you angry in your life. Take each one of them, and write it out as though you were telling someone how it happened. Then go into a meditation going back to that time. Refamiliarize yourself with that old environment. Where did you live? Where was your bedroom? What was the kitchen like? Then experience the situation the way it happened, doing what you did then: stuffing your anger, biting your tongue, crying, running off, swearing to never come out of your room again. Then, rather than stopping there, do an instant replay. This time, express what you wished you had. If you were so angry you could have kicked somebody, then kick somebody in meditation. "I'm going to burn down the house!" Fine, burn it down in meditation. Will that do something terrible? No, because your intention is to release the anger, not to produce it. Would that you were so confident of your positive programming as you are of your negative programming! It's the intention. And the intention is not to cause negativity, but to release the negativity and hurt you have carried all this time. Then write down a sentence or two as to how it felt. Then on another occasion (not the same day) do it a second time, and then on another day, a third time. Over time you'll work your way through the top ten. All that remains to do is the current anger.
Hurt is a little different, because hurt takes time to heal. Anger can be healed instantly: Someone makes you angry, you explode, you express it, they responsibly receive your anger and handle it, and you're done. It's not there an hour later. But hurt is a wound, a cut, a tear in your self-esteem, in your essence, and it takes time to heal.
Hurt is probably the worst thing you can do to somebody. If you make them angry, you can deal with that, depending on the degree and the intentionality. But if you hurt somebody, then that's harder to deal with because it does take time. It's harder for them to heal it, and it's more responsibility for you. It's the one emotion that has time. Therefore, the most devastating thing you can do to someone is to consciously hurt them. And to hurt them physically is less detrimental than hurting them emotionally, psychically or spiritually. A physical hurt can mend. You have torn an illusion, made a dark spot in a light. But an emotional hurt is real. A psychic hurt -- to lead them off their path -- is detrimental to their growth. You have slowed someone down. To spiritually hurt somebody, to spiritually misguide them, is the biggest hurt of all. It's the most devastating emotion you have. Likewise, once you move outside of time, hurt doesn't exist. It's the worst thing than can happen in your physical life because of the time factor, but once you move outside of time then hurt diminishes. So it all balances.
How do you deal with it? As with anger, you start with the old hurts: your top 10 hurts. You write them out. And you do much the same thing you did with anger: Play it through. Have an instant replay. Handle it the way you wish you could have. Then write a sentence or two about it. It is important to write it, because it is the movement of musculature and the electromagnetic energy of the nerves in the process of actually writing it down that makes it solid.
What about current hurts? Well, current hurts you handle a little differently. With the expression of hurt, it is important to let yourself feel it. Therefore, if you are hurting, then it is important to give yourself some time. Set up some time: 20 minutes on whatever evening. Plan it ahead of time. The trick here is that you don't think about other things: If you're feeling the hurt, feel the hurt, nothing else. As you focus in on it, it's going to get tedious for you. You'll find it very difficult to feel just hurt for 20 minutes solid. But experience that hurt for the 20 minutes, and then stop. Then go on and do whatever it is you planned to do that's going to be fun, that's going to cheer you up.
It may take two or three times, but do it in the same fashion, and you will release the hurt. It will be healed and you will be done. "But they have to heal it!" Don't count on it. They may not even know they did it, and furthermore, they really can't heal it. They can be responsible for it, and handle it responsibly, and make a commitment never to do it again. And that can feel wonderful, and is indeed an important part of it all. But you have to heal your own hurt. If you don't, it will turn to scar tissue just like any wound that isn't properly handled. It can get infected, and it can do damage to you.
Another thing about anger and hurt -- as they fit together - is to realize that in your society you have permission to feel one or the other. Women can feel hurt, but they're not allowed to be angry. So, if a woman gets angry and kicks a trash can across the room, she's "being a real bitch." The way a woman can express hurt is in tears. A woman can cry if she's happy, cry if she's sad, cry if she's angry, cry if she's hurt. A woman can basically cry. Any other expression: not allowed. So many women have a problem in terms of having worked with hurt, because that's all you've been allowed to work with. You may have a tremendous anger in there that you have hitherto let stay buried.
In reverse, men are allowed to be angry, but they're not allowed to be hurt. It's "weak" to be hurt. It is very uncomfortable both for men and women to see a man say, "I'm really hurting," or "You hurt me." So a lot of men have called hurt anger and tried to release anger and wondered why it's not working. You need to go back and deal with your hurt, even though society says it's "weak" for a man to be hurt.
We've talked of victimhood, we've talked of martyrhood, we've talked of self-pity au naturel, and there are numerous ways to handle it. But it all boils down to one concept: When you find yourself feeling self-pity, honestly ask yourself, "Who am I punishing?" And when you say, "Myself," don't accept that answer. That is true, but that only feeds your self-pity. "Who am I punishing?" Myself. Okay. And who else?
There's always someone out there whom you are punishing. Own that, when you find yourself wailing or sighing in your various forms of self-pity. Ask yourself,"Who and why? And do I really want to do that? I'm hurting somebody. I'm wounding them. I'm ripping their self-esteem." You may tell yourself that nobody knows you're in that place. Highly unlikely. Very seldom do victims and martyrs keep their victimhood and martyrhood private.
There's always the thing where you say, "No, no. I'm a victim and a martyr, and I'm only hurting myself." Yet when you're asked who has ever hurt you, you can list out this one and that one. What state of mind where they in? Victim and martyr. Well, if victims and martyrs only end up hurting themselves, how did they end up hurting you? Victims hurt other people. Martyrs hurt other people. If you will really face yourself in the mirror, and really own it, you will not be able to really justify continuing it. And that is the core of the various techniques we have talked of as to how to handle your self-pity.
Fear is the base emotion absolutely. The base fear is fear of loss. From the very moment that you separated from your beingness, from God/Goddess/All That Is, there was that fear: "What if I can't get back?" The very core fear, expressed biblically and mythologically in other forms, is the fear: "Can I return to paradise?" That basic fear then produces all kinds of fears, which produce all kinds of emotions. A lot of your anger, hurt and self-pity comes out of fear. But it is its own emotion as well, and there are ways to handle it. It is, perhaps, the blockbuster of blockbusters. And one of the most powerful ways to handle your fear is to face it ...
Now indeed, you can back up from a fear to get perspective on it. We're not saying you have to jump right in to every one of them. But if you've identified and have a fear of something, move toward it, metaphysically, meditatively. You don't have to literally go fly in a plane and see if you crash. You can play it through in your mind, and it's just as real to your nervous system and to your body.
There are two approaches: If there's something you're afraid of, play it through meditatively. That can release those kinds of "phobic" fears. More of the fears are emotional fears, however, and those you work with by facing them. Go into a meditation and face it. Experience the worst thing that can possibly happen. "I'm afraid I'll lose my job." Fine. Go into a meditation and lose your job. Get fired in the worst possibly way. Play it through and then make an alternative plan. "What will I do? I'll sell the house, the RV, go on vacation, and figure it out when I get back." Plan out your approach. Then play it through the way you want it to be. It sounds so simple, and it works.
With Love & Peace
In Part II Lazaris continues with the "Bugaboo Emotions" -- anxiety, confusion, worry and doubt -- and the tonics which are antidotes for them. Once they are released there is space which must be filled to prevent their returning, and Lazaris explores what we need to put in their place to permanently achieve inner peace.
Over the decades, a thriving spiritual community has blossomed among many who work with Lazaris. Explore ways to become part of this love, healing and