A Grouping of Questions with Jach's Replies from the Online Conferences
"Amid all the mysteries, it is forgiveness that is the miracle of magic - is the miracle of your magic." (Lazaris)
Many people have asked Jach about aspects of forgiveness. Here are some of his answers, incorporating many of the most salient points about the forgiveness process, influences that shape forgiveness, and some favorite techniques for engaging this miraculous energy.
Forgiveness is such a powerful tool; it is only recently that I have come to realize that it is far more powerful than I had thought. We often think of forgiveness as the proper thing to do, and we have all heard the clichés about the importance and beauty of it. It's the Christian thing to do or the spiritual thing to do. And it is . . . I mean, those thoughts are correct.
But it is more than that, too. It truly is a powerful technique that can profoundly and instantly change our reality. That is why the title tonight is: The Dynamism of Forgiveness.
Dynamism describes a process whereby the nature of reality -- of our illusion -- is a function of force and energy rather than of movement and mass. The velocity and mass are quantitative measurements, but the true building blocks are energy and force. It takes very little energy and force to generate a change in mass.
And reality, though an illusion, is a great feedback mechanism. It is the best biofeedback machine we have. [g] And I think the freedom that we feel when we forgive and the sense of knowing we attain is a big part of that feedback. Perhaps we have forgiven ourselves enough when we feel that release.
Also, there are stages of forgiveness. I think once we have honestly and consciously moved through those stages, the forgiveness will be enough. I also think that when we do not go through the specific stages of forgiveness we risk falling short of our goal.
The stages for those who are not familiar with them are:
Stage One: Denial ... denying the need to forgive ourselves or others or denying the value of forgiveness.
Stage Two: Then comes the blame stage. We know that blaming does not work, but that does not stop us from doing it in life. [g] And it is the second stage of forgiveness. Once we really own that there is something to forgive and that there is value in forgiving, then we hit the blame stage. This can be blaming others ... or it can be self blame. But it is a stage, as Lazaris points out, and we need to deal with it. I think if we ignore this stage, for example, the forgiveness risks not being complete.
Stage Three: Self-pity ... Yeah, need I say more? [g]
Stage Four: Indignation ... This is such a powerful stage. And we, spiritual people that we are, often deny this stage or want to say we don't have this stage, but it is there. I have found that it is essential to respect this stage.
Fifth Stage: Becoming conscious of the why of the situation or circumstance of forgiveness ... learning the lesson that is there ... giving meaning and significance to the constricting and the expanding potentials of the situation before forgiving it.
Stage Six: Freedom. See, that is why I think we know when we are done ... freedom.
Stage Seven: The final stage that Lazaris talks of: Integration ... the actual forgiving of self and then of others and moving on ... He stresses the moving on ... let it go and move on ... it is part of the intensity of the force and energy that is the dynamism of forgiveness.
Q. How does indebtedness play into this dynamism?
I think this is an important question and I think it goes back to the size (not the speed) of forgiveness. We can each do the same meditation and process of forgiveness ... and it can be around the same kind of issue ... yet for one of us the size of that forgiveness may be much larger than it is for the other.
What influences the size of forgiveness is the energy and force that we muster ... what influences the size of forgiveness alters the impact of the dynamism. Lazaris points out certain things that can influence the impact of the force and energy.
This is an important point, I think. The dynamism: it takes very little force and energy to change reality. It is the force and energy not the movement and mass. Okay. It takes very little energy. I use a little energy and force. You use a little energy and force. The dynamics or dynamism for each of us is the same. What then makes the size of the forgiveness different? ... How we let that dynamism impact us.
See, forgiveness is not a reward. It is not something we earn. It is an energy. It is non-discriminatory. It does not discriminate; we do. It does not set boundaries of its size; we do. The things that can influence the size of forgiveness:
1. The sources of the pain ... who did it to us.
2. The dimensions of the pain ... length, width, depth, and the "space-time" of the pain.
3. What is our reaction pattern to being wronged? How much do we hurt ourselves and punish others when we are wronged?
4. Our resistance to the concepts and ideas of forgiveness. Our reluctance to entertain and follow through upon the concepts and ideas of forgiveness.
5. Stuck in one or another stage of forgiveness ... stuck in pity or in blame or in indignation ... often denying that there is any indignation. [g]
6. The dimensions of our love also are key. If those dimensions of love are shallow, forgiveness will probably be shallow.
7. Relationship with the future. If we do not have a working rapport with the future, the size of forgiveness can be severely affected.
So all of this ties into indebtedness ... which also dampens and can stop the energy and force of forgiveness totally. Even more energy and more force ... is not the answer when it comes to indebtedness.
Q: Why does forgiving often feel like giving in or wimping out?
Well, I know what you mean. I have felt that, and I have felt waves and waves of anger when I have approached forgiveness from that point of view. We are conditioned to think that. Chauvinism with its twists teaches us that the only acceptable way to be is to be on top of the heap ... to be the best and to be number one ... to be king of the mountain in the hierarchy of competition and comparison.
Forgiveness, on this battleground, is tantamount to defeat. Forgiveness, on that turf, is utter failure. "Cry Uncle." "I give." We are conditioned.
Until we face and deny that conditioning ... until we start defining what forgiveness is for us ... we are often bound by that conditioning. That conditioning is an avenue of least effort. It is easy to feel that it is wimpy to forgive.
It is a strange irony, isn't it, that the consensus society in America holds Christian values ... paramount in such values is the value of forgiveness ... yet it is held as weak and giving in. I wonder how a good Christian holds it when Jesus talked of forgiveness and forgave? Jesus, the Wimp? Jesus, the Loser, who gave up? I doubt it. [g]
Beyond that conditioning, I think we each need to look at why we would want to continue feeling that way. As I said before, for someone who is naive ... who has not been engaged and involved in spiritual pursuits… following the conditioning would continue to make sense.
Once we are free of that conditioning, then we have to ask ourselves why we persist. It doesn't mean we are bad or wrong. We may have other agendas ... maybe we have other agendas for which we need to ... that's right ... forgive ourselves. [g]
Q: Jach, it seems permission and authority are involved in self-forgiveness. Can you speak about this?
LOL ... The $5.00 will be in the mail tomorrow ... [g] (Because the question was so appropriate ... people might think I put you up to it. [g])
Anyway ... Lazaris has talked so much already this year about the new kind of empowerment that involves finding and creating permission inside us ... finding and creating authority (authorship, originality, innovativeness, inventiveness) inside ourselves. But you know, even as we come to understand and know this ... some of us will still look outside ourselves.
Some of us will still consider any permission we might grant or authority we might have is tainted or spoiled, as we are tainted and spoiled. When we are caught in the unresolved stages of forgiveness ... we will find it more difficult to empower ourselves.
The explanations and reasons ... all valid and legitimate ... may be many ... but the answer or the solution can come down to forgiveness. As I responded to a previous question, is there a limit?
Forgiveness is not a panacea ... it is not the one prescription that is going to solve all our ills. But forgiveness can be ... CAN BE … a phenomenal tool toward that end. It can, likewise, play a critical and phenomenal role in empowerment.
Q: When you say it takes very little energy and force to change a mass, are you saying that forgiveness is such a force that can change a "mass," can change a lot of issues for us by forgiving ourselves around one issue, and then that change translates into changes perhaps in other areas where we weren't even working on forgiving ourselves?
And another $5.00 is on its way! [g] What a fun question. [g] Yes, that is how it seems to me. That is also my experience.
Forgiveness *used* to work one way ... it did not have that dynamism that it seems to have now. I would find an issue, forgive myself, and move on. The forgiveness would reflect in my world and it was wonderful. It was magical and I discovered a bit more of who I really am. But everything is different now.
Forgiveness has always had a dynamism. Always ... but that dynamism is now more available to all of us. It was embedded, I suppose, in those seemingly dormant or redundant parts of our brain that Lazaris talks about ... lost in the "garbage" of our DNA ... but now it is out there and present.
Now the "same" forgiveness (as though it really were the same) can generate more profound (far reaching) results. The dynamism is active and available more than ever before.
And when we:
1. Release our resistance to forgiveness in general;
2. Release our resistance to the specific forgiveness;
3. Move through the stages of forgiveness in a conscious way;
4. And forgive the "why" of the situation whether it is self-forgiveness or forgiving another ... we will set that dynamism in action.
As you say, it will change the mass and the movement of that mass in our reality. It will begin a resonance action (more than a Newtonian chain reaction). The resonance of the energy and force is more powerful than the forgiveness that we do ... it is more powerful than us (and our limitations) ... and it can change us and our reality surrounding us. It can do it in ways that we cannot yet imagine. Thanks for asking about that.
Q: Jach, Would you please suggest some techniques to use while working with forgiveness? Thank you!
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that forgiveness is the technique to use. [s] As I read your question again, I see that you are asking about techniques in preparation for working with the specific forgiveness. [s]
That really varies. It depends upon the nature of the forgiveness. I mean, if you are working to forgive yourself, I find working with the basics (recognition, acknowledgement) to be the most solid. I know they are key to allowing the actual forgiveness of self to work. Without thorough recognition of what it is we want to forgive in ourselves, and without full acknowledgement that we created it, the forgiveness rituals may be helpful, but they won't be fully valuable. So in that work of recognizing and acknowledging, I think it is critical to also work with self-love.
What I do in such cases is sit down and recognize the situation, and I stay with that as long as necessary. I can most often distinguish when I am just intellectually recognizing and when I slip over that boundary and begin to emotionally recognize "what I have done." For me, getting to that emotional recognition is essential. Once there, I work with choice as I work with acknowledging. I keep going back to the fact that it was MY choice. MY choice ... and it was my conscious choice. It's hard at times, but I work to stick with it.
And when I can genuinely see that I created it and that it was my conscious choice to do that, then I rush in there with self-love. I don't like the me who did whatever, but that doesn't have to preclude loving ... loving the me who did the deed. And I think that dose of self-love ... loving the "ugly" or "bad" me ... is critical.
Then I have the substance to forgive. I do the ritual of forgiveness ... I like the Valley of Forgiveness Technique for such things ... and it seems to work for me. [vbg] So I guess working with choice and working with self-love and loving are the additional components that I work with in such cases.
But if it's another whom you are forgiving, then it can involve any number of techniques to deal with the residual emotions surrounding or cocooning the situation. It may involve venting anger or writing "Hate Letters" that never get mailed or emailed. [s] It may involve working with healing hurt. Or it may involve sitting with your Higher Self and releasing the disturbing or errant emotions.
I think we can recognize and acknowledge with great acuity. And we can work with forgiving others, but if we are still angry, hurt, fearful, resentful, or jealous -- or still wrapped in a constricting emotion -- that forgiveness is going to be dulled. I don't mean it won't work, but its full effect will be dulled or diminished if we still (overtly or covertly -- secretly) harbor those imprisoning emotions whatever they are. So when it comes to forgiving others, beyond the basics, perhaps it would be to work with choice, love, and emotional release.
The other thing I would say here is that it is also important to release any hidden agendas that we might be harboring ... agendas hidden in our acknowledgements that we created (mostly by allowing) this ... or agendas hidden in our acts of forgiveness themselves.
I hope this reply spoke to some of what you were questioning. Thanks for asking.
Lazaris' meditations for forgiving ourselves and forgiving others are incorporated in his recording “Forgiveness: The Miracle of Magic (Excerpts),” available as CDs or cassettes, and can also be downloaded or streamed (go to the streaming / downloading section of our shopping cart).